after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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