I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
