Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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