so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
