I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize