Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
