Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
