I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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