Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
