Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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