I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
