no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
