i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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