gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
