I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
