Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
