I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
