i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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