There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize