my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
