the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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