Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
