My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
