Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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