He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
