kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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