We named our party play list daddy issues
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
