it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
