brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
