you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
