I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
