WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
