my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
