I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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