I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
