anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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