is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
