we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
