I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
