mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
