My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
