No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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