Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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