That's intense
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
