he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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