Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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