Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
