God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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