I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
