i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As shirtless as possible
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
