Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
