The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
