i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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