I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
