I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have fence marks all over my body
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
