I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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