She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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