Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
