On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We need to get me chipped asap
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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