I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
