Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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