You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize