I look better un-naked...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
