um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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