Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
