And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
