Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
