Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
