piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
