I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
