worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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