i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize