Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Terrible idea I love it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize