By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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