Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
