I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
